Whether it’s at the end of a sad movie, due to the death of a loved one, or because of a recent heartbreak, crying is a universal human emotion that we have all experienced at one point or another. However, crying is not limited to pain. It is not uncommon for a parent to shed tears of joy at a wedding for their beloved son or daughter. Neither is it uncommon to see two siblings crying in the middle of a heated argument. So why is it that something so versatile in its function gets such a bad reputation? Is there a secret hierarchy of emotional expression that only some of us are aware of?
Crying is commonly seen as a form of emotional expression – the body’s natural physical response to a particular emotion, often communicating to others how one feels. But for many, such as myself, crying is also a form of emotional processing. Whenever I am experiencing intense and overwhelming emotions, my body seems to naturally react by producing tears. Not only is this process cathartic, but it also allows me to physically release emotions that I may otherwise struggle to process, serving as a tool for emotional regulation. Much like the high after a good workout, crying offers a similar release of emotions. In fact, studies suggest that tears release stress hormones from the body and may help regulate stress levels by releasing various “feel good” hormones such as endorphins and oxytocin. It is not surprising that many experience elevated moods after a good crying session.
Despite its established functionality and benefits, crying is often viewed negatively. Stereotypes like crying is a weakness, a form of manipulation, or a sign of high emotional reactivity, are commonly attached to it. Gender and societal norms play a big role when it comes to understanding where such beliefs come from.
Men are often told from a young age that “boys don’t cry.” Such statements play a key role in shaping our beliefs about crying and its acceptability. Telling young boys to not cry reinforces the idea that crying is a sign of weakness and not a socially acceptable behaviour for men. When in fact crying can have various benefits, including releasing stress, promoting emotional healing, communicating one’s thoughts and feelings, and fostering social connections. By suppressing their emotions and refusing to cry, men may struggle to process, regulate, and express their emotions effectively, potentially resulting in a range of psychological and emotional issues. Men who are discouraged from crying may also struggle to empathize with others who express their emotions in this way.
Thankfully, with current discussions on topics of emotional intelligence and mental health, there is now a greater emphasis on normalizing men expressing their emotions in ways that were previously unacceptable. However, despite the good intentions behind this movement, it appears to also have some negative side effects. Some men now feel pressured to show emotions through crying, even when they have no desire to do so. Some may feel as if they are being asked to express themselves in a specific way not because they need it but because someone else has a desire for it. If someone were to express their emotions in a very specific way to make others feel better, then their emotional expression isn’t for them, it’s for others. This can create complex situations, as societal norms and personal beliefs can collide, leaving some men feeling conflicted and unsure about how to be expressive without compromising authenticity.
The seemingly opposing responses to ongoing discussions about the acceptability of crying and other forms of emotional expressions show that we need to expand our thinking to recognize and accept the perspective of others, rather than viewing our own behaviours or patterns as the best option. The discussion around the acceptability and functionality of crying is not limited to gender, it encompasses all humans with their unique personalities, thoughts, and experiences.
Whereas some individuals feel comfortable or satisfied with crying as a form of emotional expression, others may not find the experience as fulfilling. Instead, they may feel ashamed for not being able to emote in a way we now deem acceptable and often encourage. Forcing someone to express their emotions in a specific way is not healthy. We already know that coercing individuals to conform to our standards of emotional expression has never resulted in positive outcomes.
Similarly, those who feel pressured to express their emotions by crying must not be resistant to the push for making the act acceptable and normalized for everyone regardless of gender, age, and culture. There are plenty of individuals who need this societal acceptance to be authentic to who they are and express themselves without fear of judgment.
Whether crying is the best form of emotional expression, or whether it is even possible to create a hierarchy of emotional expression, is a great question for philosophical debate, but not for practice or understanding. Instead of ranking emotional expressions, it is more important to acknowledge that different methods of expressing emotions can be useful and effective for different people and situations. Despite being a universal form of expression, crying can serve various purposes. By understanding how it serves us and those around us, and also accepting that it may not serve everyone in the same way, we can develop higher collective emotional intelligence and better support each other.For a more in-depth discussion on the topic, along with personal anecdotes and realizations, be sure to check out podcast Episode 1: Is Crying the Best Form of Emotional Expression?
