Feedback is more than just content; it’s also a delivery system.
That’s why it’s vital to consider how the recipient thinks and processes information.
Imagine a team member is missing deadlines. Here’s how you might tailor your feedback to their unique style:
- For an analytical, data-driven person: “I’ve noticed that you’ve missed 3 of the last 7 deliverables. Can we talk about what’s contributing to that?”
- For a relational, people-oriented person: “I know you care deeply about how your work impacts others. When tasks slip, it puts pressure on the rest of the team. Let’s talk about what’s going on.”
While the core message remains the same, the feedback is customized to address what each person values most.
Which approach feels more natural to you?
This reminds me of a great explanation by Dave Mitchell who uses the archetypes of the Romantic and the Warrior to illustrate different communication styles:
- The Romantic: Romantics filter information through an emotional lens, always considering the emotional impact of their words. Their goal is harmony and peace, so they tend to communicate indirectly. For them, the actual words matter less as the words are chosen carefully to avoid upsetting others, and much of the real meaning is conveyed through nonverbal cues-like facial expressions (e.g., a raised eyebrow), tone, and pace. They respond best to feedback that is delivered with empathy, care, and attention to their feelings.
- The Warrior: Warriors focus on results, efficiency, and getting things done. Their communication style is direct and unambiguous. For Warriors, words mean exactly what they say – no hidden agenda, no emotional subtext. Tone and facial expressions are secondary; clarity and action are everything. They prefer straightforward, unambiguous communication and are comfortable with criticism if it helps achieve goals. When giving or receiving feedback, Warriors want clear, concise, and actionable messages, without emotional cushioning or unnecessary details.
Even when we understand these differences, we often default to our own preferred communication style. Analytical people tend to give data-heavy feedback, empathetic people cushion their critiques, and direct communicators get straight to the point.
The main idea is that effective feedback and communication focus on the other person. The right approach depends on how the recipient processes information and emotions.
Here are some techniques to help match the recipient’s style:
- Observe their language: Do they ask for data? Do they talk about feelings, outcomes, or people?
- Notice how they give feedback: People often give feedback the way they prefer to receive it.
- Ask directly: “What kind of feedback is most useful to you?”
In conclusion, to achieve better results, build trust, and reduce resistance, adapt your feedback to fit the recipient’s style. This simple shift that can make your feedback more effective and well received.
Link to clip: https://youtu.be/SJxHW6GtdbE
Photo by Yura Timoshenko on Unsplash
